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12th July 2024 

Quiz! 16/11/2015

Boots has a good quiz regarding depression CLICK HERE:

Hope you find it useful!

I have just linked to Face Book - so if you like what you see please click the link!

World Kindness Day 13th November 2015

World Kindness Day 13th November 2015

'Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.'

Scott Adams

11th November 2015

'Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new'

Albert Einstein

Success 29/09/2015

'Enjoy the successes that you have, and don't be too hard on yourself when you don't do well.'
Patty Sheehan, Athlete

Mistakes 24th September 2015

"Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom."

Phyllis Theroux

Friendship 22nd September 2015

"If the cost of winning friends is the loss of your friendship
with you, you
have won nothing and lost everything. You are the one
person whose opinion of
you really matters because you are the one
person you cannot escape!"


Bullying at work

23 January 2012

Feeling stressed at work? You may be being bullied.

Bullying at Work

‘I was really enjoying my new job initially and then I became aware I was becoming more and more stressed. At first I thought it was simply the pressure of the new job, then I began to realise that I was being bullied. The difficulty was it was hard to pin down. It was difficult to explain to people what was going on and even more difficult for them to understand it. I didn’t know what to do. I had just started the job and I really didn’t want to leave.’

‘Going to work every day was becoming a nightmare. I was lying awake at night dreading going in the following day. The panic I felt was causing me to feel physically sick. I was unsure what was happening but I knew that there were people in the department that I just wanted to avoid.’

Unfortunately bullying is far commoner than people realise. It doesn’t just stop at the school gates. Because bullying has been part of the fabric of society for a long time and can exist within families it is sometimes difficult for people to realise what is going on. It seems familiar but very uncomfortable. Indeed a lot of people don’t understand that what is happening is not ok because it does feel familiar. When we have been brought up in a situation where bullying is the ‘norm’, it is difficult to stand back and look at the behaviour in an objective way and realise that it needs to stop as it is psychologically damaging, sadly sometimes to the extent that people feel so isolated and depressed that they commit suicide. This is why we all need to be aware what bullying is and how to stop it.

Bullying Behaviour in the Workplace

Bullying in the work place is about being persistently undermined, criticised and condemned. It can take the form of vindictiveness, put-downs – cruel and humiliating jokes, attempts to hurt or condemn an individual or group of employees.

Bullying can be someone in a position of power, a boss or the company culture; by an individual, couple or group of individuals towards one two or a group of people. Generally the bully is abusing his or her power or position to undermine someone’s self-esteem, self-worth or self-confidence. This can come as an attack on their work or as an attack on their personality or appearance. It can take the form of intimidation leaving the person feeling very vulnerable, isolated, angry and powerless.

Eventually the person’s health and mental well-being can be eroded making them feel inadequate. This can cause anxiety and depression, irritability and lead to time off work. People can find themselves bursting in to tears at what appears to be the slightest thing.

What Constitutes Bullying?

The list below is by no means an exhaustive list but will give you an idea of what constitutes bullying:

Overt Bullying:

Physical violence or threat of physical violence

Deliberately ignoring you or isolating you in public; e.g. perhaps deliberately leaving you out of a round of drinks at the works outing

Calling you names or giving you a derogatory nickname

Never listening to your point of view

Smear campaigns

Shouting or swearing at you in front of your colleagues or in private

Trivial matters being an excuse for instant rage

Humiliating you in front of colleagues or in private, sarcasm, personal insults or ridicule

Covert Bullying:

Persistently giving you menial or trivial tasks

Blocking promotion

Moving the goal posts

Setting impossible objectives, deadlines and targets

Persistent criticism

Watching and monitoring everything you do

Constantly undervaluing your efforts

Giving you too much or too little work

Withholding information then blaming you for being ignorant

Taking credit for your ideas and achievements

Spreading malicious rumours

Isolating, excluding or ignoring you

Making threats

Constantly undermining or overruling your authority

Whenever things go wrong blaming you

Refusing reasonable requests for training or holidays.

Taking advantage by paying you less than would be expected because of the knowledge it would be difficult to find work elsewhere

Stealing or hiding pieces of work or personal effects.

Usually there is a combination of these types of behaviour from a bully. Sometimes the bully will be unaware that they are bullying you but what is important is its impact on you and whether you are being negatively affected by it.

The Effects of Bullying

The effects of bullying can be severe:




Panic attacks


Mood swings

Sweating and shaking

Feeling sick


Severe headaches


Excessive thirst

Skin complaints

Stomach problems

Loss of appetite

Constant tiredness


Lack of motivation


Loss of interest in sex

Loss of self-esteem


Suicidal thoughts

Bullying can affect home life. Relationships may break up or be adversely affected. Children can be affected by a parents change in behaviour.

It can be difficult to get bullying at work taken seriously and this can leave people with a strong sense of being let down and being in an unfair situation which can exacerbate symptoms, leading to suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide.

What to do about Bullying

There are some different choices that you can make about bullying:

Take action and find out about bullying and how you can address it in the work place.

Leave where you are working and find a job elsewhere.

You may choose to stay because you have financial commitments.

Seek counselling.

Find an assertiveness class, often these are run locally.

Others which you may come up with yourself.

If you feel you are being bullied it is a good idea to seek advice from your human resources department or welfare or your union representative. If you feel that you are not getting anywhere with these departments it is worth contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor.

It’s a good idea to keep a record of incidents but do it in your own time. Keeping a record can help you make what seems vague concrete and identify patterns that might be occurring.

There is a lot of useful information on the internet so it is well worth putting in ‘Bullying at Work’ in one of your search engines and doing some research.

ACAS will give free information on 08457 47 47 47

It is also always worthwhile looking on the Internet for books to help you understand what is happening. Amazon seems to have a good selection.

To visit the Government Website just CLICK HERE to go straight to it.

The site has some useful information on bullying at work. You will need to type 'Bullying at work' into their search engine.

2nd October 2013

Aristotle's Challenge

'Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy.'

Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

Aristotle is right, it can be very difficult to be balanced when we are angry our mind is just not geared to be reasonable when we get angry, so it's almost always a good idea to try and calm down before we attempt to resolve what's bothering us.

There are three main reasons why we get angry; when we are not getting something that we want or need; when we feel we or others have been treated unjustly or unfairly; as a defence against something.

There are ways that you can help yourself to calm down. Firstly recognise that you are angry. Some people find this hard and suppress or deny the emotion and then act out what they are feeling. Try and identify where you feel anger in your body and what it is trying to signal to you.

Accept it's ok to be angry. People sometimes struggle with this - anger has a bad name because it is often used destructively but used in a positive way it can be empowering and fill us with passionate energy. Anger is the emotion which tells us something about ourselves in the environment, how we use it is what is important.

Try to understand why you are feeling angry. Sometimes this is easy; sometimes it's not. If your car has just broken down and you can't get to an important meeting, you may feel angry as it may mean your work will be threatened. Sometimes somebody may say something to us that is passed off as a joke but may leave us feeling angry later and we may have to search more deeply to understand why we found the comment upsetting.

It is good to try and express our anger in a constructive way, not in a destructive way. If we are feeling angry that our car has broken down we can channel the energy into ringing for help. It won't help to kick the car that will just make the situation worse as we then have a dent to sort out. Sometimes if someone has upset us say at work, it can help to write about it in a journal, so that we can sort our feelings out and decide whether it is worth challenging the person in an assertive way, not aggressively. Sometimes it helps to do some physical exercise to help us to calm down before we approach the situation.

Anger is a little bit like electricity, we can use it constructively to light a situation up or we can use it destructively to electrocute! So it's wise to stop, step back and think about how we are going to handle a situation so that we can use our anger in a positive way.


Posted 10 February 2012

In order to be assertive it helps to know your 'rights'. Knowing your rights can help you to put boundaries in place, say 'no' when you need to and feel more in control of your life. Below are some of the 'rights' you and others have:

The right to be successful.
It’s OK to acknowledge your achievements and to receive acknowledgement from others about your success. Often people ‘rubbish’ compliments which are paid to them.

The right to make a mistake.
As human beings we are not perfect and can make mistakes, often we berate ourselves unduly for the tiniest of errors. One mistake does not make an incompetent person, so in order to maintain our self-esteem it is important to keep our mistakes in context an not make mountains out of molehills. Making a mistake is a way of learning how to do things differently and maybe more effectively.

The right to change my mind.
It’s ok in the light of more information or a snap decision going wrong with the passing of time to change your mind. Circumstances change, changing your mind is a sign of strength, not weakness. There is no need for you to defend your actions.

The right to choose not to assert myself.
The way you behave is a matter of personal choice and there may be times when you choose to be aggressive or non-assertive. The crucial point is about choosing the right behaviour and not just ‘dropping into’ that behaviour.

The right to be me (my own self).
Again, this is about choice and how I want to be in the world e.g. to be quiet, independent, alone, have my own space, style of clothes etc.

The above rights are your rights – they are also the rights of others. It is important not to lose sight of the fact that


The Relationship

24th September 2012

I found a lovely quote which I wanted to share:

"It isn't the technique, it isn't the therapist, it isn't the level of training, it isn't the new wonder drug, it isn't the diagnosis. It is our clients' own inborn capacities for self-healing, and it is the meeting - the relationship in which two or more sovereign and sacred 'I's' meet as a 'we' to engage with significant question of existence."

O'Hara (1995)

The Right to Make a Mistake

24th July 2013

Continuing with our theme of 'rights', some wonderful quotes to contemplate:

'A man (or woman - my insert) should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.'
Alexander Pope

'Enjoy the successes that you have, and don't be too hard on yourself when you don't do well.'
Patty Sheehan, Athlete

The Right to Make a Mistake.
As human beings we are not perfect and can make mistakes, often we berate ourselves unduly for the tiniest of errors. One mistake does not make an incompetent person, so in order to maintain our self-esteem it is important to keep our mistakes in context an not make mountains out of molehills. Making a mistake is a way of learning how to do things differently and maybe more effectively.

6th August 2013

'Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body'

Sir Richard Steele

Tatler, 18th March 1710

Just thought this is a lovely quote and wanted to share it with you!